


Fat cat

by shushumimi123



Series: Scorbus: Married Shenanigans [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Cute, Fluff, Funny, M/M, Married Life, Sequel, The fat cat is back, he's having none of this shit, oc old lady - Freeform, sassy albus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 10:29:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15071267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shushumimi123/pseuds/shushumimi123
Summary: The fat cat is back and Albus is not having it(Sequel to Dead Bodies)





	Fat cat

“Ugh, you’re back,” 

Albus glared at the windowsill, coffee mug in hand with a blanket draped over his shoulders. It would’ve been a perfect Sunday morning if it hadn’t been for their unexpected visitor sitting there. Albus hissed at her and jerked his mug her way. "Shoo."

All he got back was a cold stare and Albus returned the expression. Her fur was tackily groomed with an obnoxious blue bow on the top of her head. “You look like a stinky old lady,” Albus mocked.

Shelly only let out a low groan of a meow in response.

Albus rolled his eyes and sipped his coffee. Almost every day he would have an encounter with this fat, orange cat and no matter how much he tried to shoo her away, she would just waltz into their goddamn flat like she owned the place. Stupid spoiled cat. And it was all his husband’s fault. 

Scorpius spoils her every chance he gets but he doesn’t realize that when he goes to work and Albus works from home, who’s going to deal with her coming over expectantly? Albus. That’s who.

Albus walked closer and leaned down, face to face with the flat-faced devil, squinting. “Listen here, you ought to get your arse out of here, or the only thing that’ll be left of you will be that cheap bow and a puff of hair. Got it?” he taunted.

Shelly hissed and bared her teeth and Albus did the same, standing up to his full height. 

As they faced off, the front door opened and stepped in the root of the problem back from his morning routine.

“Morning, love,” Scorpius hummed and stepped into the living room as he started to undo his coat. “Oh, and who do we have here,” he cooed in his baby voice that should only be reserved for babies.

Shelly meowed and stepped down from the windowsill onto their Cumaru wood piano on her way to greet Scorpius. 

Albus sipped his coffee as he eyed Scorpius kneel down and pick her up, nuzzling his nose into her fur as she purred.

“How come she gets a greeting before me,” Albus whined and pouted.

Scorpius looked up at him and smiled. “Well, I did say morning,” he said, matter-a-factly.

“But it doesn’t count if theirs no kiss,” Albus mumbled.

Scorpius smiled fondly and walked over to him, shifting Shelly away from Albus as he leaned down to kiss him right where his stubble started. “There,” he hummed. “Better?”

Albus glanced up at him and felt his facade falter. He couldn’t stay mad at him. Look at him. Doe eyes, cheeks pink from the brisk morning breeze, an adorable smile that only comes from getting the freshest bread from the baker. He was a catch. But he should just be a catch for Albus. Not this overweight monstrosity of a creature.

He sighed and looked up at him. “Love, you have to do something about her. Stop letting her come here. She disrupts my work and messes up the house. I had to clean a dead pigeon a few days back. A pigeon, Scor. From the sky to our carpet. The carpet,” Albus explained, waving his hands around for emphasis. 

Scorpius eyed the coffee mug carefully as Albus practically swung it around and smiled. He held Shelly close and pouted. “But Al, she’s so cute and fluffy. I’m sure she just wants to play with you. See, look at her face.”

Albus did look at her face. And it was not cute. She looked bored and like she was forcibly pressed up against a window. Albus looked back at Scorpius with a deadpan expression, and he could see that Scorpius knew he wasn’t going to win this.

“Babe, she distracts me from my work. That means I make fewer potions. Which leads to less profit, so less money in the bank and I don’t like it when my moola gets affected.”

Scorpius sighed and huffed, holding Shelly back against his shoulder. “Alright, alright. Goodness, who would’ve known I married such a money bug.”

Albus raised his eyebrows and took another sip. “This is why your dad says I’m more like a Malfoy then you are.”

Scorpius expression changed to a dopey grin, and he nodded. “Yeah, that’s true.” 

He couldn’t help but smile back. Albus was weak whenever Scorpius did that. That cute ‘I’m completely devoted to you and cherish you completely’ look was just too much to handle. Albus leaned forward and kissed his shoulder. “I love you,” he hummed and staring up at him.

Scorpius smiled brighter and caught his lips for a quick kiss. “I love you too.”

They stood there for a moment, lost in each other’s eyes for a second before Albus pulled back and patted his arm. “Alright, let's go give her back,” he said and started shoving him towards the front door.

Scorpius whined and nuzzled Shelly even more. “Oh, alright. If it’ll make you happy.”

Albus smiled brightly and opened the front door of their flat. “It’ll make me very happy.”

He placed his mug down on the hall table and smiled up at Scorpius when he saw their fresh loaf in its beautiful wrapping waiting to be eaten. If it weren’t for Shelly, they’d be halfway through it by now. He could see Scorpius was thinking the same thing and Albus knew he was motivated to get rid of her now. Nothing ever came between Scor and his bread.

The two walked across the hall and Albus reached up to knock on the door. He then stepped back and glanced over to glare at Shelly, who was inconveniently at eye-level to him.

The door opened, and a small old lady opened the door. Albus smiled his perfect fake smile as he noticed her get up. He knew they were different clothes, but everything looked the same. Like she was just waiting to die only to be found in this one outfit combination she decided on in the nineties. 

Oh, that was good. Al made a mental note to tell Draco about that later. 

“Good morning, Miss. Thomas, how are you today?” Scorpius greeted with his whole ‘good boy’ routine.

Miss. Thomas adjusted the glasses on her nose and smiled. “Oh, hello Scorpius. I’m quite lovely, thank you very much. And yourself?” she asked, completely ignoring Albus. 

Scorpius was about to reply before Albus just cleared his throat. They met eyes and had the following silent conversation in five seconds:

‘Let me reply. It’s rude not to.’

‘Scor. give the cat and let's go.’

‘Albus!’

‘Do it now, or we’re not having morning sex.’

Scorpius paused and pouted. He then turned back to Miss. Thomas with his pearly smile again as if a moment hadn’t passed. “We’re sorry to be bothering you so early in the morning, but we got an unexpected guest,” he said and lifted Shelly up.

Miss. Thomas blinked and let out a soft (and very much fake) gasp. “My word, I am sorry,” she said and finally she took her cat, stroking her with an annoying amount of affection. “I am sorry, Scorpius. You do know how fond of you she is of you though. I hope you can forgive her once,” she said and smiled up at Scorpius. Albus thought he was going to puke. Was she really trying to sweet-talk him? With all those wrinkles? He didn’t think so.

“You know my work gets affected when she comes around. I hope you could send her elsewhere next time,” Albus interjected, his smile faker than the ‘diamond’ ring on her finger. 

Miss. Thomas gave Albus a look of distaste and hummed. “I might recall something of that sort,” she said.

“Thank you for understanding,” Scorpius said quickly and shifted closer to Albus, placing his hand on his back to calm him down. Not like he needed to. Albus wasn’t going to fight Miss. Thomas. She'll probably turn into talcum powder if he so much as poked her. 

Miss. Thomas smiled at Scorpius and Albus wanted to laugh at her almost hidden troubled expression. He got so much joy knowing that she fancied Scorpius and that he was married to him- a man. 

Miss. Thomas opened her mouth to speak, and Albus was just done “Alright, bye now,” Albus said quickly as he grabbed Scorpius’ arm and tugged him back to their flat.

Scorpius stumbled slightly as they stepped in and closed the door. He chuckled and shook his head as he removed his coat and hung it. “You’re so mean to her, Al. She’s just an old lady.”

Albus picked up the loaf of bread and sniffed it’s warm scent as he shrugged. “It’s her fault. She’s the one who called me a ‘mean queer man who fooled and locked down a perfectly straight lad,” Albus said, mockingly.

Scorpius followed him towards the kitchen and stifled a laugh. “That’s also true. I don’t even know what gave her the idea that I was ever straight.”

“It’s her fantasy,” Albus teased, placing the bread on the counter and smiled up at Scorpius. “Or maybe that’s how she imagines all gay people,” he said.

Scorpius laughed and stood beside him. He then sucked in his cheeks and lifted his eyebrows as high as he could staring his perfect impression of Miss. Thomas. “We got to stop these queers from stealing our husbands. Turning perfectly good straight men into one of them. Just horrible!” 

They broke into laughter, and Albus leaned over, leaning his head against Scor’s shoulder for a moment. “Maybe that’s why she got Shelly. So she can see what kind of ‘witchcraft’ I put on you,” he suggested.

Scorpius bit his lip to stop himself from laughing and shrugged. “Maybe. Or to replace her ‘dead’ husband. Who might’ve just run away with a queer man,” he said and wiggled his eyebrow suggestively.

Albus gasped and chuckled, nudging him playfully. “Oh, that’s good,” he said and took a deep breath. “Right. Now that that’s over start with the eggs, and I’ll get the toast going. I’m starved!”

Scorpius grinned and nodded. “Got it,” he said and stole a quick kiss from Al’s cheek as he hurried around their kitchen. Albus watched Scorpius and couldn’t help but feel like the luckiest man on Earth for marrying his best friend. There was no one else in this world he'd rather spend his Sunday making fun of old ladies and fat cats with.


End file.
